Mixed feelings

     I just want to write to get things off my chest. I am not complaining or whining, just attempting to clear my head and eliminate some of this weight on my shoulders.
     I am feeling an array of feelings in my third month of living in a foreign country. Although the topic is taboo amongst my friends, I need to begin thinking about only having a month left. I have exactly one month and one day to accomplish (mostly) everything. I have accepted that I will not cross everything off my bucket list, but I will try my hardest.
     Every emotion is running through my mind. I feel anger, guilt, sadness, but also happiness and peace. I believe that my negative emotions are stemming from homesickness. Well, actually I am not even sure I can call it homesickness. I think it is just stress. I am stressed about not being able to see all I want to see and stressed about money. This is the first time I am living away from home and not only am I in a foreign country, but I am completely responsible for my finances. Money. Money is the cause of the majority of my stress. I know I will be able to survive on what I have left, but it is just a shock to see your bank account reduced by so much compared to the beginning of the semester. I am grouping my homesickness and my stress together because the only thing I am looking forward to about coming home, apart from seeing my family and friends, is that I can finally relax. I will not be worrying about money and will not be running, flying, or walking somewhere. I want to take a week after arriving home to just sit on the couch and veg out in front of the tv. I know this will not happen because after the few months I've had, I am sure that all I know how to do is travel and move around.
     Having Marcus visit last week was the best and worst thing. It was absolutely amazing to see his face and just spend time with him, but it really made me think about home, especially on Easter. I wish I could come home for a month, recuperate, see my family, make some money, and come right back to London. I love this city with all of my heart and am dreading the day I must say goodbye, but I have to just keep telling myself that there are good reasons to come home.
     I feel guilty because I think I did a little too much traveling. I wish I spent more time in London and in England in general. But is that really true? Would I sacrifice Switzerland or Italy or Dublin for Oxford, Brighton, Manchester, or Liverpool? I don't think I would. I made amazing memories with fantastic people in these countries. That is not to say that England cities would not have been fun, but I keep saying to myself that I will, without a shadow of doubt, be back in England in my lifetime. This is my second home and there is no way I would never come back. So my justification is that I will visit these places in time. I do still have a month here and have been trying to fill my days with trips I regret not taking, like Wales, but I think I will save my remaining days for my favorite city. London deserves my last few weeks. It hasn't let me down yet, so I know it'll be a great month.
     I am also the happiest and luckiest girl on the planet. I have had the most incredible and mind-blowing few months.......NO I will not talk like it is over! I have a month left; I can reminisce and be sentimental later.

     Now, back to the present- my plans for this weekend. I wake up tomorrow, bright and early at 4:30 to make my way to King's Cross Station to board the Eurostar train to Paris. I will be in the City of Love till Saturday afternoon. I plan on visiting the Eiffel Tower and going all the way to the top, the Louvre to see Mona's famous smile, the Palace of Versailles, the Arc de Triomphe, the grave of Mr. Morrison, and eat crepes, lots and lots of those flat, delicious pancakes.
     April looks like a promising month. Paris this weekend. A tour of the Olympic park and a trip to Wales to visit the Doctor Who Experience exhibit next weekend. Madrid the following weekend. Then The Tempest on Shakespeare's birthday at the Globe and an Army vs. Navy rugby game.

So cheers to April!