New Year, New You?

If you don't want to read a girl's sob story, then skip this one....

     It took me 6 days to write an (what I think to be) obligatory New Years post. To be honest, I hate New Year's Eve. It is depressing, being the night that makes you aware of how unglamorous your life is. It never quite lives up to the hype. Perhaps its the years of Hollywood glamorizing the night, making it always seem like something to be desired, a night for the record books. It is always disappointing and acts as a reminder of the fact that you aren't where you want to be in life and unless you change dramatically in 364 days, you will undoubtedly be in the same spot the following year. What I chose to do that night, let my mom take me to the casino to sit in front of a slot machine...resulting in my $200 win to start the new year.

     I ended the last precious days of 2014 with tears running down my face, collecting in puddles on my bed; soaked tissues scattered in front of me like amateur origami. I forced myself to get out of bed, to shower, to have a routine. The rug was ripped out from under me; I was down.
     But 2014 wasn't always unhappy. There were times that I wouldn't trade for the world, moments that still make me smile, but unfortunately, with that happiness, now comes a pang in the pit of my stomach and a pressure in my chest.  I learned things that I don't think I can or will appreciate until after the storm passes. I experienced something that I had never before, a simple four letter word that swallows you whole and turns your world upside down. Yes, right now it seems like 2014 was a year of sadness, but it wasn't that at all. I cannot let the last week put the stamp on an entire year.
     I began 2015 with a forced optimism, that day after day becomes less forced and more adopted. I promised myself that this year will be better than the last (few days of 2014, that is), and if not better, then different. I have goals for 2015. I want it to be a year of discovering the world and discovering more of who I am. I owe it to myself to do everything I can to make this year my best yet...isn't that what the New Year is all about?